“Hello”
He peers over the ridiculously high counter that I suppose is to protect against jet lagged customers and finds a bespectacled pair of eyes squinting up at him suspiciously from underneath curls that (since they were introduced to the rather damp English air twenty minutes earlier trooping down the steps of a Ryanair jet) have all the glossy sleekness of a demented hedgehog. He addresses this vision;
“Good morning...madam?”
“Do you want to comment inappropriately on my appearance?”
“Ah, no...”
“Would you like to assure me you can speak another language even though I have no real difficulty communicating in this one?”
“No”
“Any urge to answer all my customer service related questions with a shrug and a shake of the head?”
“No, no, not really.”
The vision smiles, then grins, then beams, then starts to giggle and by the time Anil can wonder what’s going on it’s laughing and dancing across the deserted arrivals hall chanting “I’m back, I’m back, I’m back!”
Of course it’s me! And things continue in this vein; the chap at the ticket office made sure to tell me to run to catch the train because like any quasi-intelligent human being he knew I may not want to wait an hour and a half to catch the next one, the inspector used Ladies and Gentlemen and Please and Thank You and when I hopped into the taxi at Cambridge train station the driver was well up for small talk and when I asked him to head for Corpus Christi he asked if I was a student to which sitting back, crossing my legs and mentally putting on Gucci sunglasses, I reply
“Why yes; yes I am.”
How to describe the indescribable? How to reduce Cambridge University which has gone on strong and beautiful through world wars, civil unrest and the brief and terrible ascension of Iain Duncan Smith to pixels on yah computer screen? How to translate architecture, the ambiance, the dreaming spires...oh Heavens above I'm sorry, that's Oxford; we have the very phallic UL tower where The Other Place has the bosom of the Bodleian. Difference between take what you're given and like it and coming to the teat of knowle... No one else think the same? Well, it's like I promised the BBC about Jeremy Paxman, its not a crime if you think it.
Anywho, though the class and elegance of the Colleges may be better left to Byron's pen I would like to try it through Disney, if you will permit me. Into our heads comes the soft violin prelude to Beauty and the Beast's opening number (Little Town, go watch it damn you, I can't do all the evocative imagery legwork) and following that, a fade to a crisp, misty morning where a black cab glides off to reveal herself, tinging a triangle for the right note, and stepping off the cobbledy pavement;
"Cambridge town, is a quaint and strange place, stay a while and you'll get to know, more and more fascinating people..who will always say..."
<chorus of Hello, hello, hello, god song parodies are sins, HELLO!>
"See here we have the front of Cor.pus.Chris.ti, and New Court's looking rather well! And outside it on the street, is a friend who's here to meet. me and oh, the Madrid stories I can tell..."
<Central Casting have by now recieved my downpayment and arranged a professional dance squad. The Old Spice Man, by personal request, will now run in front of College and proclaim "Spontaeous Dance Rountine!" in chocolatey tones>
"There go the un.der.graduates like always, the tourists slowing down the town, there are dresses and berets, academics in my way and an awful lack of gowns...Good Morning Professor!"
"MISS DEVLIN, YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THIS UNIVERSITY!"
Music ceases, squad roam off, Old Spice makes the "call me" sign, Professor glowers...
"What have we told you to do about Intellectual Property infringement and Cambridge University no longer condoning illegal use of copyrighted material?!"
<stubs toe in front of her> "to not to..."
"Very well then...predrinks in MCR at 7pee em sharp and this dinner no arguing with seasoned academics over your status as Worst Lawyer of the Year. They and myself, cannot fathom why you want this accolade. Clear?"
"Absol-floggin-lutely..."
Of course now may be the best time to point out that not all of this strictly happened that exact way but what is true is I have taken it back to the 'bridge to attend our annual law dinner, there is a good friend waiting for me who puts up with all my usufucking law jokes (Roman law, plebs this one may pass you by) and I did get upset last year when no one would let me be the worst legal undergraduate...
Enough of that; the point is we get to go in to Corpus Christi; venerable, ancient and beautiful..like one would imagine Ian McKellen to be in drag. And we paddle around New Court and Old Court and Library Court and I appear like a vision or mirage to poor fellow Corpuscles who had no idea I was coming home but this doesn't stop delight at my return. Well I assume it was delight; could well have been frantic attempts to keep yours truly from ambling off to find people on my own and generally making a nuisance of myself.
Brunch is where the meeting old friends in earnest started and where I hardly got time to finish me egg and chips what with everyone coming over to say hello and ask how I was and generally be lovely while I tried to eat sausages with some degree of class and sophistication. This is made easier by Hall (ntoe ze captial H) which is the formal dining hall of College but also where we have our tea of an evening.
The Hall is built in the neo-Gothic style and the gorgeous blue-and-gold papering amoung the dark wood rafters we share with the House of Commons and House portraits of late Masters line the walls. Actually nicking all this info from the website where pictures may do more than my pixels. This is where we all come to Formal, dressed to the nines in gowns and stand for the solemn Latin grace. This is where I constantly pinch myself to ensure I'm not dreaming because surely I shouldn't be sitting at a trestle table with more silverware than Hyacinth's Bu-kaaaays cabinets and lit up by candleabras.
This brings us to a nice point about what I would do if I had all the money in the world and top of that list is to commission a sombre oil painting of self in a dark wooden frame to sneakily replace a particularly dull Master one day when no one's looking; just before Graduation Dinner for preference. Have mused on posing wearing gown and asking "Paint me like one of your French girls" if we can peruse the Paramount studios for that chaise longue offa Titanic. Think of the hilarity, the sudden realisation, the grudging "It's actually rather well done"...but then again I couldn't in all good conscience put people off a five course meal.
Out of Hall I head off down King's Parade to meet another dear friend for coffee in...Café Nero! I had to go the long way so Starbucks wouldn't see my little holiday fling but godsdamnit that Nero strawberry milkshake with whipped cream. Starbucks just won't experiment, had to take off my loyalty card and will buy guilty flowers for my beloved when I get back.
That walk was beautiful and touristful and cyclistful. Kings is all "Look at meh, I am the most famous sight in Cambridge! Which of you is attracted to meh?" The (creepy) Corpus Clock is like "Soon...very soon" and the punters (not east London slang for customer, actual punting-along-the-river-people) are all like "Fancy a trip on the river madam?" I appear to have brought Madrid's relentless sunshine with me and everything is dandy. I almost have to check my sepctacles for pink tints...
But enough...for I have decided to elongate this little weekend away to the best university in the world into two blogs because it's just that good. And also because I couldn't possibly do the magnificence which is the NBLS law dinner justice without a little more conversation.
So until excruciatingly soon; I remain a Cambridge undergrad wandering around the city centre, holding up traffic with impromptu musical numbers, nipping in to that amazing shop eat as much free fudge as I can and generally thrilled to be back in the 'bridge.
xo
"Very well then...predrinks in MCR at 7pee em sharp and this dinner no arguing with seasoned academics over your status as Worst Lawyer of the Year. They and myself, cannot fathom why you want this accolade. Clear?"
"Absol-floggin-lutely..."
Of course now may be the best time to point out that not all of this strictly happened that exact way but what is true is I have taken it back to the 'bridge to attend our annual law dinner, there is a good friend waiting for me who puts up with all my usufucking law jokes (Roman law, plebs this one may pass you by) and I did get upset last year when no one would let me be the worst legal undergraduate...
Enough of that; the point is we get to go in to Corpus Christi; venerable, ancient and beautiful..like one would imagine Ian McKellen to be in drag. And we paddle around New Court and Old Court and Library Court and I appear like a vision or mirage to poor fellow Corpuscles who had no idea I was coming home but this doesn't stop delight at my return. Well I assume it was delight; could well have been frantic attempts to keep yours truly from ambling off to find people on my own and generally making a nuisance of myself.
Brunch is where the meeting old friends in earnest started and where I hardly got time to finish me egg and chips what with everyone coming over to say hello and ask how I was and generally be lovely while I tried to eat sausages with some degree of class and sophistication. This is made easier by Hall (ntoe ze captial H) which is the formal dining hall of College but also where we have our tea of an evening.
The Hall is built in the neo-Gothic style and the gorgeous blue-and-gold papering amoung the dark wood rafters we share with the House of Commons and House portraits of late Masters line the walls. Actually nicking all this info from the website where pictures may do more than my pixels. This is where we all come to Formal, dressed to the nines in gowns and stand for the solemn Latin grace. This is where I constantly pinch myself to ensure I'm not dreaming because surely I shouldn't be sitting at a trestle table with more silverware than Hyacinth's Bu-kaaaays cabinets and lit up by candleabras.
This brings us to a nice point about what I would do if I had all the money in the world and top of that list is to commission a sombre oil painting of self in a dark wooden frame to sneakily replace a particularly dull Master one day when no one's looking; just before Graduation Dinner for preference. Have mused on posing wearing gown and asking "Paint me like one of your French girls" if we can peruse the Paramount studios for that chaise longue offa Titanic. Think of the hilarity, the sudden realisation, the grudging "It's actually rather well done"...but then again I couldn't in all good conscience put people off a five course meal.
Out of Hall I head off down King's Parade to meet another dear friend for coffee in...Café Nero! I had to go the long way so Starbucks wouldn't see my little holiday fling but godsdamnit that Nero strawberry milkshake with whipped cream. Starbucks just won't experiment, had to take off my loyalty card and will buy guilty flowers for my beloved when I get back.
That walk was beautiful and touristful and cyclistful. Kings is all "Look at meh, I am the most famous sight in Cambridge! Which of you is attracted to meh?" The (creepy) Corpus Clock is like "Soon...very soon" and the punters (not east London slang for customer, actual punting-along-the-river-people) are all like "Fancy a trip on the river madam?" I appear to have brought Madrid's relentless sunshine with me and everything is dandy. I almost have to check my sepctacles for pink tints...
But enough...for I have decided to elongate this little weekend away to the best university in the world into two blogs because it's just that good. And also because I couldn't possibly do the magnificence which is the NBLS law dinner justice without a little more conversation.
So until excruciatingly soon; I remain a Cambridge undergrad wandering around the city centre, holding up traffic with impromptu musical numbers, nipping in to that amazing shop eat as much free fudge as I can and generally thrilled to be back in the 'bridge.
xo
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